Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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