You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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