Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
