I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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