they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
