So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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