the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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