theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Randomize
