She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
