my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
