I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
