At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
