I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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