i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
