True but thats because hes a fetus.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
