Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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