Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
