My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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