Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I came so hard my ears popped.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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