woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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