I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
