Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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