Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
