i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
