Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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