What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
