"it" just moved
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
