If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
