Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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