wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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