hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
