He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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