Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
