hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
