is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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