Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
