So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
