Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
