Porn is love you can see.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
