i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
