I will die if light touches me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
