Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
