I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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