I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
