Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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