So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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