This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
