I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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