the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
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Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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