Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
