Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I love you. Go after that dick
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
