So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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