You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
