I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
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Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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