Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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