getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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