I feel great
I just peed on a car
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
