I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
