Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She even gives head with a lisp.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
