Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
