Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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