I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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